Current Events

Texas Politicians Used Burner Email To Request FEMA Funds

AUSTIN, TX—In an effort to avoid humiliating themselves in front of their fellow...

Something Forbidden Stirs Deep Within Trump After He Se...

WASHINGTON—A warm rush pulsing through his body as he stared at the clean white ...

Dad Spends Retirement Untangling Big Mess Of Wires

WALNUT CREEK, CA—Expressing relief that he finally had the free time to explore ...

Study: 97% Of Average American’s Day Spent Retrieving 6...

CHICAGO—Shedding light on how technology increasingly shapes everyday life, a st...

Ted Cruz Assures Texans He Working Tirelessly To Get Va...

KERRVILLE, TX—Promising grieving Texans he would do everything in his power to m...

Elon Musk Announces Formation Of New ‘America Party’

Elon Musk has announced the formation of the “America Party” in response to Pres...

Elon Musk Scrubs X Of Jewish Users Who Made Grok Mad

BASTROP, TX—After news broke that the company’s AI tool had shared several antis...

Look: Horse found running loose on Maine highway

The Maine State Police said troopers put their cowboy skills to the test Wednes...

Blueberry spill causes literal 'traffic jam' in British...

Police in British Columbia said there was a literal "traffic jam" on a highway ...

Watch: Man rides motorcycle 1,450 feet while on fire

A French daredevil lit himself on fire and rode his motorcycle for 1,450 feet t...

Pam Bondi: ‘What Is The DOJ Hiding?’

WASHINGTON—Casting doubts on the agency’s recently released review of the late f...

Watch: Ray takes flight to escape pursuing shark in Aus...

An Australian man fishing off the coast of Queensland captured video of a ray l...

What’s Causing Problems With Flights Across America

The post What’s Causing Problems With Flights Across America appeared first on T...

Death Row Inmate Chooses ‘Ham Sandwich And Ice Cream’ A...

The post Death Row Inmate Chooses ‘Ham Sandwich And Ice Cream’ As Last Words app...

Elon Musk Weeps, For There Are No More Women To Impregnate

AUSTIN, TX—Realizing that every uterus had already been conquered, Tesla CEO Elo...

Ted Cruz: ‘Vacationing Is How I Grieve’

The post Ted Cruz: ‘Vacationing Is How I Grieve’ appeared first on The Onion.

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