Man going to Greece for holiday learning how to speak English louder

A MAN heading to Athens for his summer holiday is brushing up on how to speak English slowly and more loudly.

Stephen Malley is preparing for a week’s vacation in the Greek capital by downloading Duolingo, never opening the app, and instead practising how to speak in his native tongue at a more deafening volume.

He said: “It may look as if I’m taking the easy way out by refusing to commit even basic words like ‘hello’ and ‘please’ to memory. But projecting my voice without straining my vocal chords is arguably more difficult.

“There are all the breathing from my diaphragm exercises I have to do, not to mention how laborious it will be for me to enunciate each syllable clearly. It would be good if everyone over there could meet me halfway by mastering the English language before my flight lands this afternoon.

“So don’t think of me as lazy and ignorant. Refusing to meet the basic standards of integration is actually a cultural exchange. I get to look at the Acropolis and shop in the Monastiraki flea market, and the lucky locals get an English lesson free of charge. It’s a fair trade.”

Athens resident Nikos Papadopoulos said: “Stephen is a, how you say, bell end.”