Brexit good for ten per cent off

THE UK’s extremely expensive Brexit has, nine years on, translated into a ten per cent off coupon with all valid retailers.

Almost a decade after Britain decided to cut off relations with the trading bloc immediately next door in favour of trying to strike a deal with the US, we have received our just reward.

Jack Browne of Colchester said: “Not ten per cent off anything we buy from them, which would still be shit. Ten per cent off what they’re charging the EU to sell them stuff.

“So all that Theresa May, Boris Johnson, UKIP, Leave and Remain, marches and protests and calling judges traitors and this is what we get. Ten per cent.

“At this point I’m almost pathetically grateful. Wow, we got something! Trump noticed that we abased ourselves in hope of his favour! He likes us! Which I guess is how Farage feels.

“So in response to our unnecessary act of economic self-harm five years ago, we’ve won partial shelter from the USA’s unnecessary act of economic self-harm today. What a fine example of reciprocity.”

Trump said: “And if more countries are prepared to elect stupid-haired buffoons who wreck everything, they’ll get the same discount. Void where prohibited.”