Dad Shushes Family While Focused On Jumbotron Hat Shuffle

SEATTLE—Narrowing his eyes and raising a single finger to silence those around him, local dad Mark Fahlen reportedly shushed his entire family Wednesday evening while focusing intently on the jumbotron hat shuffle at T-Mobile Park. “Shut up, shut up, I need to lock in on this,” said Fahlen, snapping at his wife and two children as he stared unblinkingly at the animated hats rapidly switching positions on the screen and tried to keep track of which cap had the ball underneath. “No one talk, I gotta win this. It’s under the left hat—wait, no, middle hat. Back to left hat. Fuck, almost lost it. Everyone please shut up till this is done.” According to witnesses, Fahlen later pumped his fist in triumph and claimed to have correctly chosen the left hat, despite having shouted “Right!” just before the ball was revealed.

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