Grown Man Licking Ice Cream Cone Placed On Sex Offender Registry

WELLS, ME—Stating that citizens had a right to be warned about the types of individuals residing in their area, authorities confirmed Thursday that they had placed 54-year-old William Barry onto a sex offender registry for being a grown man who had licked an ice cream cone. “The perpetrator committed an indecent act towards ice cream in broad daylight, where any child could have seen him,” said state police Capt. Robert Murphy, thanking witnesses who swiftly notified law enforcement after Barry allegedly extended his tongue outside Seaside Scoop Shop and repeatedly licked a scoop of strawberry ice cream. “What he did was wrong anywhere, but this was in a public place. He didn’t even attempt to get the ice cream in a dish. All he cared about was satisfying his deviant cravings. In the coming weeks, residents can expect Mr. Barry to go from door to door and inform them of his age, address, and predilection towards frozen treats.” Authorities added that Barry would also be required by law to stay at least 500 feet away from all ice cream parlors.

The post Grown Man Licking Ice Cream Cone Placed On Sex Offender Registry appeared first on The Onion.