‘I am not the father,’ says Daddy Pig

DADDY Pig has announced he is not the father of the baby in Mummy Pig’s tummy, kicking off a quest to find out who is.

Following the announcement of the pregnancy on Good Morning Britain yesterday morning, Daddy Pig was interviewed on BBC Breakfast where he admitted he has not had sexual relations with his wife in five years.

He continued: “Like many married couples who’ve been caring for small children for more than two decades, you neglect your sex life. So this is a surprise.

“It would appear she has been using the computer for more than just Happy Mrs Chicken and that her evenings out with Mummy Rabbit may have included a third party. Or multiple third parties. I rule nobody out.

“Regardless, I plan to move into the shed for a while where I will be working on my art and rekindling my relationship with Madame Gazelle, who has always been my erotic obsession.

“The mystery of parentage will be solved when the baby is born. I am the only male pig in a town full of cats, dogs, zebras, elephants, kangaroos, and polar bears. Whatever monstrosity emerges, I pity it.”