Kneecap to sue bastards who nicked their thing

KNEECAP have announced they are taking legal action against punk band Bob Vylan for stealing anti-Israel publicity that was rightfully theirs. 

The Northern Irish rap group, who had spent weeks building up to being the main anti-Zionist attraction at the Glastonbury Festival, are demanding an apology and £500,000 in loss of earnings from the previously unknown punks.

Kneecap member Mo Chara said: “Our set is still up on the iPlayer and nobody even cares. Now that’s injustice.

“We had carefully prepared the ground for our Glastonbury appearance for weeks with a court case and a number of cancelled gigs across the country. It’s been meticulous.

“But now we find the middle-class rebellious teenagers who should be buying our branded ski masks are all buying dreadlock wigs instead because Bob Vylan are the hottest establishment-scandalising band out there, not us.

“It is a clear breach of the conditions of our booking. We were meant to be outraging public sensibilities and reaping the benefits thereof, not some no-mark punk act.”

Music journalist Joseph Turner said: “Kneecap have learned a hard lesson in how fickle pro-Palestine pop fans’ affections are. One day you’re everything, the next you’re nobody.”