Lazy, working-class UFO sighted over Britain

EXTRA-terrestrials are consolidating their appeal to viewers of lowest common denominator television with an unexplained phenomenon shaped like a cheap crisp. 

A craft shaped like the contents of a bag of Bobby’s Spirals – or for M&S shoppers, a Salt & Vinegar Twist – was sighted by Britons familiar with unbranded high-fat products enjoyed by the poor and unsophisticated.

Donna Sheridan of Bedford said: “I recognised it immediately, because I regularly give the kids a bag each for tea when pizza’s too much trouble.

“It hovered there in the sky, mouth-wateringly, though I couldn’t make out whether it was the slightly more upmarket prawn cocktail flavour because I didn’t have a telescope on me at that specific moment when I’d stepped out for a vape.

“It feels like the aliens are reaching out to me and my kind: watchers of documentaries on 5 about how Andromedans built the pyramids. I imagine they’ll shortly contact our leader, so either Shaun Ryder or Danny Dyer.”

UFO expert Tom Logan said: “They tried crop circles but that wasn’t really their market, because consumers of nutritious locally-farmed granola are too up themselves to believe in life from other galaxies.

“Far better to make their presence known in the guise of something fatty and moreish.”