New couple desperately wondering when they can stop doing everything together

A YOUNG couple who share every activity are each independently desperate to do stuff away from that other bastard for a change. 

Grace Wood-Morris and Jack Browne have been a couple for three months and are still compelled to spend every hour of every weekend together, regardless of its inconvenience.

She said: “I suppose I don’t want to admit things have changed, but I no longer feel spending 90 minutes in a freezing garage waiting room while he gets his MOT to be time well spent.

“It’s not like six weeks ago, when he’d happily come to my nail appointments. I think it means our love is more mature and we’re more secure in it, not just that watching him play five-a-side is boring as shit.

“We function as a perfect loving couple in every way, and I don’t want to upset Jack by saying occasionally I’d like to do my make-up without him caressing my face and telling me how beautiful I am.”

Browne said: “It was so great having lunch with Grace’s friends on Sunday, despite the powerful why-the-f**k-is-he-here-again vibe I undoubtedly felt.

“I’m going to Wickes for drain covers tonight. I said ‘you don’t have to come’ and for a moment felt the silence of her honesty, before she lied ‘of course I’ll come!’ and the charade continued for a day longer.”