Nobody enjoying self-written vows less than bride and groom

A COUPLE who wrote their own highly personal wedding vows were as embarrassed saying them as their guests were listening to them, it has emerged.

Sophie Rodriguez and Tom Booker decided to eschew the traditional wedding promises, before realising on the day that the usual vows are less likely to make the entire congregation visibly cringe.

Rodriguez said: “We thought our love was too special and unique to be bound by the usual boilerplate pledges, so we came up with our own.

“Unfortunately I’ve never wanted to be a generic drop in the human ocean more than when Tom was six minutes deep into a speech about ‘my beautiful angel soul’.

“Obviously I should have vetted it first, but he’s a grown man rather than a teenage girl writing a journal, so I did not expect to hear phrases like ‘you are the moon and stars in my sky’. Honestly, I’ve never fancied him less.

“The worst bit was when he referred to me as his ‘partner in crime’. Did he lift that straight from an episode of Married At First Sight? One of my bridesmaids sniggered, and fair f**king play to her. I think we were all praying he’d shut the f**k up.”

Booker said: “Well, she said she couldn’t wait to become ‘Mrs Big Bad Stud’. I will never be able to forget my poor grandmother’s face.”