Oasis reunion marred by fratricide

OASIS’S first reunion gig has been praised by fans as the greatest concert they have ever attended, spoiled only by a minor fratricide late on. 

Attendees were delighted as rock’s original Cain and Abel ran through a blistering set of hits and favourites which had the whole stadium singing along until they turned on each other during the first encore.

Nathan Muir of Cwmbran said: “Well, I say the first encore. Obviously there wasn’t a second one.

“It had all gone so well. They’d been getting along like heavy-browed Neanderthals. But Noel was doing Talk Tonight, made a little joke and seconds later got whanged on the back of the head with a tambourine.

“That got him up, acoustic guitar wielded two-handed like a club, and next thing he’d smashed the very instrument he used to write The Masterplan over his own brother’s head.

“It escalated from there, the crowd cheering wildly as brother accused brother of ‘marding’, fought with instruments and the traditional plums, and by the end one was lying dead on the stage while the other muttered ‘F**king have that, you gobby twat,’ to the whole stadium.

“Which one’s dead? I don’t know, I was in the top tier, I could see bugger all.”