Salt Path controversy vindicates man’s decision to never read books

A MAN who exclusively watches television feels fully justified in doing so after a popular memoir turned out to be largely invented. 

Steve Malley, aged 45, whose bookshelf contains only DVDs, says that he always knew that the written word was for chumps and the Salt Path controversy proves it.

He explained: “I’ve not read a book since school. Why? They’re boring and take ages to get through. One short book takes longer than five episodes of Motorway Cops.

“It annoys me when smug people boast about how much they read, like Martin down the pub always lording it over us that he’s read all four Wayne Rooney autobiographies, thinking it makes him proper intellectual.

“But this Salt Path business proves what I always knew, which is they make a load of shit up. I knew they just made a load of shit up. If JK Rowling can make up wizards and stuff, why wouldn’t some woman say going to Cornwall can cure cancer, or whatever?

“I bet all those readers are feeling pretty embarrassed right now. If they hadn’t bothered reading it, none of this would have happened. In a way, they’re equally to blame.”

“Might watch the film though, because Gillian Anderson.”