Shit town has hop-on, hop-off tour bus

THE objectively awful town of Skegness runs a hop-on, hop-off open-top bus service so people can tour its grim sights at their leisure. 

Despite containing nothing but stretches of desolate sand, alcoholics and the nexus of the two which is Butlins, the seaside resort of Skegness persists in operating an open-topped bus service so visitors and locals alike can take in its vast disappointment over an unhurried day, with frequent stops.

Bus driver Roy Hobbs said: “There’s no better way to see where Panda’s Palace used to be. Quite a few of our passengers get off there for a poke around the rusting steel fence. 

“It’s not just your fancy southern cities who have attractions. For as little as £3 you can admire the region’s world-renowned brown sea, vulgar arcades and dilapidated pier, all in bracing wind and rain from a bus with no roof. All from either the dizzying heights of 13ft or ground level, if you’re prepared to wait 45 minutes for me to come around again.

“And tourists jumping aboard to marvel at Water Meadows Fishery or our anti-homeless spikes will be joined by our residents, who catch a ride  to the job centre and the bookies. I’m a functioning public transport system until after my lunchtime cans.”

Holidaymaker Jo Kramer said: “You’d never be able to take a tour like this in a car, because in a car you’d leave Skegness immediately.”