Teacher Can Tell Child With Spiky Hair, Sunglasses Comes From A Rad Home

TUCSON, AZ—Expressing concerns after observing several of the telltale warning signs, fourth grade teacher Patricia Cormac told reporters Tuesday that she could tell that a student of hers with spiky hair and sunglasses came from a rad home. “When you’ve been in this profession as long as I have, little behavioral tics like skateboarding into the classroom ten minutes late or repeatedly hitting the other classmates with a thumbs-ups can be a red flag that a student could be experiencing some totally sick behavior behind the scenes,” said Cormac, confirming that her suspicions had only grown when she saw marking around her student’s arms and shoulders that were likely left by a temporary tattoo of a dinosaur. “At this point, it’s too early to say how severe the situation is. It could just be that the family is going through a tubular period and things will settle back to normal, but it could be something larger. I remember we had a case a couple years ago where it turned out a student had nothing to eat at home but Mtn Dew Code Red and triple pepperoni pizzas with extra cheese.” Cormac added that in this case it was likely a social worker would eventually be called in to do a chillness check. 

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