Trump imposes 50 per cent tariff on Sydney Sweeney

PRESIDENT Trump has learned Sydney Sweeney is single and acted swiftly to impose a 50 per cent tariff on her dating future.

Calling the actress a ‘US asset’ who was ‘born American, and is staying American’, Trump brought in the urgent tariff to warn away international suitors and specifically Harry Styles.

He continued: “Too often, under Biden, we have allowed Eurotrash to woo our most eligible Americans. George Clooney, Grace Kelly, Zendaya, it’s really such a shame.

“So when I heard Sydney had split with her loser fiancé I had to act. We cannot let Brits walk in and walk away with the cream of American womanhood. Nicholas Hoult, we’re sending to El Salvador. He’s a gang.

“And they don’t reciprocate, they don’t, it’s so nasty. Florence Pugh, Carey Mulligan, Emma Watson, they make movies with our money but they won’t date our baseball players. We’re going to mandate that from now on. America first!

“Taylor Swift, she always dated the English guys. Now I got elected? All-American. I did that and I didn’t get thanked, not yet, but I will. They’ll all thank Trump. Sydney Sweeney will thank Trump personally.”

He added: “Plus she really has tremendous breasts. Has anyone noticed? I think I was the first one to notice that. Tremendous breasts.”