Wanker doing pull-ups on tube

A GROUNDBREAKING wanker is doing pull-ups on a London underground train, fellow commuters have disgustedly confirmed. 

22-year-old Jack Browne, described by onlookers as ‘a ripped, protein-powered, spiritual void’ began the aggressive lat-and-bicep workout using the overhead bar on the Northern line during morning rush hour.

Norman Steele, who had to suffer all five stops of it, said: “Look out, lads. A tosser’s training for the Olympics. Looks like Britain’s taking gold in being an arsehole in 2028.

“What a delightful display of rugged might and potency. I’m surprised he doesn’t charge us to watch. Oh and he’s counting! Never would have thought he could do that.”

Commuter Charlotte Phelps said: “It seems he’s got no idea everyone’s looking, so intense is his eye contact with his own reflection. Nor any idea we can hear him growl ‘alpha wolf mode’ to push himself through the pain barrier and make me wet.

“The men yearn to high-five him and the women are in tears. When we get to Oval, we’ll carry him out on our shoulders, chanting. Wait, no, in fact nobody will say anything but we’ll all despise him for the rest of our natural lives.”