What To Know About The TikTok Sale

With a sale deadline looming, tech company ByteDance was once more given additional time to offload TikTok to a non-Chinese buyer or face a ban in the United States. Here’s all you need to know about the sale.

Q: Who are the leading bidders to acquire TikTok?

A: Major companies including Amazon, Oracle, and a Thai seafood conglomerate called Gold Star Premium Fish & Crab.

Q: Does Amazon have any conflicts of interest?

A: It owns Amazon Basics Short-Form Video Platform for Youths.

Q: How has the Chinese government reacted to American bidders so far?

A: They haven’t even responded to the 15 funny TikToks we sent them.

Q: Are there any dark-horse bidders being considered?

A: Insiders reckon it could go the way of Old Widow Calloway. It seems Mr. Calloway left her a mighty large sum of which she’s never spent a dime.

Q: How much is ByteDance asking for TikTok?

A: The app is currently listed on TikTok Shop for $2.75 plus shipping.

Q: When’s the new sale deadline?

A: Trump declared TikTok must be sold before the last petal falls from the enchanted rose that sits on his desk in the Oval Office.

Q: What if TikTok doesn’t get sold by the deadline?

A: Distractions from the ongoing global economic collapse will be pretty slim pickings.

Q: What will become of Dannii81333’s 19-part series about the time her mother-in-law stole her dog?

A: That’s up to Communist China.

Q: Shouldn’t the Trump administration be dealing with the collapsing U.S. economy and the genocide in Gaza instead of this?

A: Have fun in El Salvador.

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