Who twatted Elon? A Daily Mash investigation

ELON Musk, at his final White House briefing alongside Trump this weekend, has been properly lamped one. The sad prick claimed his five-year-old did it. Who’s actually responsible? 

Grimes

The alt-pop manic pixie dream solo artist hipster millennials are ashamed they ever masturbated to, Grimes had a close relationship with Musk for years so logically hates him. Lashed out after he tried to rekindle their love by sending her a single rose and a syringe of chilled spunk.

Mark Zuckerberg

Loser nerd challenged loser nerd to a cage match two years ago. It never happened, but Zuckerberg bears a grudge and looks like basically anyone. He could have been dealing a solid haymaker to Elon’s face every month ever since, no matter where or when, just for his own satisfaction. If so, respect.

His dealer

Coincidentally, just as he’s leaving politics after having been fleeced for millions, Elon’s regimen of f**ked-up drug use has been revealed. A regular user of ecstasy, magic mushrooms and ketamine – and the f**king rest – will have frequently aggravated dealers with his shit jokes. Won’t have been his ket dealer, though, who already has the satisfaction of having wrecked his bladder for life.

A child who was winning at a videogame until Elon unplugged the console

And now the five-year-old’s back in the frame. Musk is absolutely a man who would jerk the power lead from a PS5 rather than take a humiliating Fortnite loss, and the smug smile afterwards would enrage even the most innocent mind. Following the punch Elon would call his attacker ‘a bad loser’.

Any White House employee

Elon has treated the staff like shit, and now he’s on the outs. Every government employee he’s pissed off and belittled has bottled their resentment to age like wine. Now they’re still in power and he’s a private individual vulnerable to laws. The casual punch in the face from a military aide was only the beginning.

ChatGPT

He was trying, in the form of a humanoid robot that cost $12.8 billion dollars, to f**k it. Then as he approached orgasm he called it Grok.