Bastard couple who’ve never worked on themselves in happy, loving relationship

A SICKENING couple who have never improved themselves in any way are in a committed, loving relationship.

Neither Jack Browne and Lauren Hewitt has made any effort to overcome their innate emotional immaturity like single people have to if they want to find a partner, but are nonetheless seemingly in love.

Browne said: “Yeah, I guess we’ve just worked past our unresolved issues? Or they fit together so neatly we don’t notice them.

“We just struck up conversation in a cafe and went from there. I’ve never had to re-evaluate my personality in the middle of the night or spend hundrends on counselling to help me find a partner. I’d recommend it.”

Hewitt said: “Not only does Jack accept me for who I am, I’m fine with who he is. I guess that’s why were not single, lonely, and suffering hundreds of algorithmic rejections every day.

“If you have to develop a stronger sense of self then it probably means you’re broken and shouldn’t be in a relationship anyway. Perhaps you should fill the void with a cat.”

Single friend Charlotte Phelps said: “I’ve bought a new self-help book called ‘F**k Him, F**k Them, F**k Everyone, They’re All Wankers: Putting Yourself First’. That should fix me.”