I am into woo-woo shit, says Princess of Wales

THE Princess of Wales has confirmed that, like all middle-class women in their 40s, she is now into tarot, crystals, homeopathy and all other spiritual woo-woo bullshit. 

Kate, who is 43 and has too much time on her hands, visited the Lake District and told Scouts it is ‘so meaningful for her as a place of balance’ just like their bloody mums do.

Jordan Gardner, aged 14, said: “I muttered ‘yeah it’s nice with the trees and that’ while looking at the ground next to the strange thin woman. And that set her right off.

“Within minutes it was all ley lines, birth charts, dragon energy, and woodland spirits offering our souls succour, while I resisted claiming one of them succored me off last night. I save gems like that for the group chat.

“I get enough of this shit at home, where mum’s rarely out of Holland & Barrett since she went part-time. She burned sage in my room to give it a spiritual cleanse after she discovered what I’d been watching on my burner phone.”

A spokesman for Kensington Palace said: “Regrettably, the Princess has suffered something of a spiritual awakening and now recommends acupuncture to footmen.

“Rest assured that her husband, heir to the throne, is fiercely resisting all pressure to go on an ayahuasca retreat on the grounds it is the kind of bollocks Meghan would do.”