Man who came first at threesome wondering how to politely fill the time

A MAN who was first to ejaculate during a threesome struggled to occupy himself profitably thereafter, he has admitted.

Oliver O’Connor enjoyed a three-way romp with Tom Logan and Lauren Hewitt but ended the erotic adventure by wondering if it would be rude to pop downstairs and make some toast.

He said: “On reflection, I should’ve pre-emptively put a bowl of crisps next to the bed as it was obvious I’d get peckish after.

“It’s just a bit awkward. You can watch, but it all seems a bit silly post-orgasm and even intrusive. I considered meddling with her tits a bit while shouting encouragement but I think they’d have been able to tell my heart wasn’t in it.

“I couldn’t go on my phone while they were still hard at it so I tidied up all the wine bottles and sex toys. It’s nice to take that burden off Lauren, isn’t it? Courteous. Makes up for spaffing all over her face earlier.

“Eventually I wandered over to the armchair and sat there naked, pretending to be absorbed like you do when watching a football match you’re not invested in. I don’t think they noticed.”

Lauren Hewitt said: “Nothing worse than when a man is riding you bareback and your roommate is sitting there clearly thinking about hummus.”