Petrol still most reasonably-priced thing at service stations

DESPITE rising petrol prices it remains the only item at motorway service stations an average family can reasonably afford. 

A litre of unleaded from RoadTheft now currently costs an average of 164.08p, 235.02 less than a Mars Duo and 435.02 less than a Traditional Cornish Horse Perineum Gutster’s Pasty.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “However remorselessly oil multinationals sodomise the motorist, it’s nothing compared to the blobs of evil, treacly filth that operate the nation’s motorway rest stops.

“The total lack of competition gives these febrile hell-pits peddling the shittest of shit the right to charge prices that, at first, are taken for hallucinations.

“They’re so intensely and viciously levied they’re the only place foul enough for WH Smith to still thrive – them, train stations and bloody airports.”

Emma Bradford said: “I left my son at the pick ’n’ mix unsupervised. His selection cost £289.83 for three sickly bananas, a few shrimp and a littering of Smarties.”

A spokesperson for the Wealthy Break motorway services chain said: “Any issues with individual outlets can be addressed to the manager, whose contact number and gormless, dead-eyed face is clearly advertised by the bogs.”