The Daily Mash University League Table 2026: we’ve put Hull above Oxford for a laugh

WHAT is the best university in the country? It’s largely as you’d expect, but we’ve thrown in a few wildcards to con upper middle class kids into spending three years on the Humber: 

1. Cambridge

It’s old and fancy and all the scientists went there, plus former BNP leader Nick Griffin, so we’ve put it top because to do otherwise would be mad, right? We’ve got to build credibility here.

2. Imperial College London

Where nerds go, but in central London so they must logically be the best nerds. And they tend to really perform on University Challenge which is what employers look for.

3. Hull

Ah, the hallowed seat of British learning whose alumni include over half of all prime ministers and billionaires. Definitely. This isn’t just a gag based on who’s next on the list.

4. Oxford

Not what it used to be.

5. University College London

Another London one in which your fellow students will either be foreign, richer than your wildest dreams, or both. Don’t confuse it with LSE.

6. London School of Economics

Not to be confused with UCL, see above. Which we’ve put it below because it only has ‘school’ in the name, not ‘university’. A telling error.

7. Wolverhampton

Let’s say it’s got great student satisfaction or some bollocks. Doesn’t matter what we say, people will still stifle laughter when they see it on your CV.

8. Durham

All the Oxbridge and University of Hull rejects come here, which provides solid entertainment when they accidentally stray into a locals’ pub.

9.  Manchester

Redbrick, but not built out in the middle of f**king nowhere. Easy access to drugs. Nobody makes you dress up like a twat in a gown just to get your dinner.

10. Chichester

Wow, did not realise they had a university. That’s cute. And maybe the job prospects are great, if you’re happy with working at a Greggs.