Trump Announces $175 Billion Rosie O’Donnell Defense System
WASHINGTON—In a sudden escalation of his feud with the American-born, Ireland-based former talk show host, President Donald Trump announced Monday he had signed an executive order allocating $175 billion to build an anti–Rosie O’Donnell defense system across the entire United States. “We’re building the greatest Rosie defense network the world has ever seen,” said Trump, […] The post Trump Announces $175 Billion Rosie O’Donnell Defense System appeared first on The Onion.
WASHINGTON—In a sudden escalation of his feud with the American-born, Ireland-based former talk show host, President Donald Trump announced Monday he had signed an executive order allocating $175 billion to build an anti–Rosie O’Donnell defense system across the entire United States. “We’re building the greatest Rosie defense network the world has ever seen,” said Trump, adding that the order he signed included $80 billion to develop a missile capable of neutralizing an O’Donnell-sized target from hundreds of miles away. “With thousands of drones patrolling our coast and using highly sensitive listening equipment to monitor any awful things she says about me, nasty Rosie’s reign of terror has come to an end. She should think twice before ever hosting a talk show again—or risk total annihilation!” At press time, the Pentagon had issued an apology after one of its test missiles mistakenly struck Roseanne Barr.
The post Trump Announces $175 Billion Rosie O’Donnell Defense System appeared first on The Onion.
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