Vermouth and Vimto: Five cocktails to make when you’re hammered and you’ve drunk all the good stuff

HOME from the pub but don’t want the party to end yet? Behold, five questionable mixers you can make without nipping back out to the corner shop.

Red wine and Irn Bru

Sometimes a bottle of Sainsbury’s own brand Merlot just isn’t cutting it, and you need to add a Scottish edge. Watching Four in a Bed alone in a drunken haze on your sofa at 3am, you’ll seriously consider serving it up at your next dinner party. If you had dinner parties.

Baileys and Horlicks

Horlicks was once marketed toward infants and invalids, but with winter coming you can give it a festive edge. It’s like drinking a Malteser that gets you even more mashed than you were when you thought of it.

Vermouth and Vimto

Until needs must, it might never have occurred to you to pair a highbrow botanical-flavoured fortified wine with an unbearably sweet berry drink from your childhood. However while drunk you will realise your concoction is a work of art and consider licensing it to London’s most prestigious hotel bars. They will undoubtedly pay hundreds of thousands.

Tequila and dandelion and burdock

F**k knows why you’ve got a bottle of the stuff but it’s a chance to kill two birds with one stone: finish off the dregs of the tequila you did shots of for your 30th and chuck out that poncy glass bottle that’s been staring at you from the fridge for six months. A bottle containing the juice squeezed out of f**king dandelions. It’ll be, er, herby.

Midori and milk

Makes total sense because they both begin with ‘M’. At least it does to your addled brain, with common sense and the ability to remember things long gone. Sure, it sounds as though the flavours might not go together, but it could be a surprise. Waking up to find the bed covered in lurid green puke certainly will be.