Does your special, special child need extra exam time? Of course they f**king do: a quiz

IS your child so much more special than the others they need extra time to do their exams? Could there be any doubt? Give yourself as long as you need for these questions: 

Does my child underperform academically, even though they’re better? 

A) Yes, and I believe that can be fixed by giving him an extra hour in his History GCSE. Because more time means more chance to express the knowledge I know is in there.
B) Yes, and I believe that an extra hour in exams will signal to the teachers I am a parent not to be f**ked with and they should revise marking accordingly.

Would any failed GCSEs, or lower than expected grades, be the school’s fault? 

A) Obviously. They did not recognise my daughter’s potential and called us in for Snapchat bullying incidents that were the victim’s fault. An extra two hours is adequate recompense.
B) Certainly. Not hiring teachers my son vibed with, leading to thrown tables and non-attendance, was negligent and I stand ready to instruct solicitors.

Are you asking for nothing more than a level playing field? 

A) Fairness is all I want, and when my son finds it so much harder than his peers to recall the right answers how is it fair to treat him the same? He needs six hours and ChatGPT.
B) No. I am explicitly asking for a playing field sloped in my child’s favour, because otherwise she’ll have to resit maths and she is stroppy enough as it is.

Are you paying for private school? 

A) Yes, on the understanding that it means extra time in exams. 42 per cent of them get it. Count me in.
B) Yes, because otherwise my son wouldn’t get the academic results his parents’ income deserves. Why else would I pay £18,000 a year for something I can get free?

ANSWERS

Mostly As: Congratulations! Your child needs extra time to complete exams and a special room in which to do them. Yes, they may wear noise-cancelling headphones.

Mostly Bs: Congratulations! Your child is deserving of all the extra time and accommodations they need, because the school needs good results as much as you do.