Just tell me how much you want, says Reeves

RACHEL Reeves has asked Britain exactly how much money each of them wants to stop it. 

The chancellor has opened a formal investigation into how much it will f**king take before the country feels valued enough to cease being entitled dicks.

She said: “Hard-working families are sick and tired of not being asked what their magic number is. I get that.

“So we will contact every household in the country asking how much they want, and whether they want it all at once.

“Is it a thousand? Ten thousand? How much cold cash will be enough for you? Don’t worry, we’ll just fix the NHS and build five million houses and increase defence spending with whatever change we have left.”

The move comes after a series of opinion polls showed voters believed they were not being offered enough money and Reform pledging to award every man, woman and child £250,000 tax free.

Reeves added: “I promise I won’t get upset when you tell me how much. I promise I’ll keep it together.”