Loveliest friend scientifically most likely to marry a prick

YOUR kindest and most wonderful friend is also the one most likely to end up settling down with a huge wanker, new research has found.

Those who are generous, loyal and willing to see the best in others are also the people destined to give their best years to dickheads with no redeeming features.

Carolyn Ryan, aged 42, said: “I’ve been friends with Fran forever. She’s gorgeous, intelligent and kind. I always imagined she’d find her Prince Charming, but unfortunately she got together with that bellend Nathan instead.

“He’s awful in every regard. He hates children and animals, he talks about non-ironically about ‘grind culture’, and he thinks Andrew Tate is a ‘sound guy with some good ideas’.

“And yet Fran sticks with him, no matter how many times I have one too many Aperols and beg her to leave him. I don’t understand.”

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Studies have shown that kind people with a positive outlook get into relationships with knobheads, often under the woeful misapprehension that they will change for the better.

“The only hope for Carolyn is that Nathan’s ‘red meat and eggs’ Alpha Male diet kills him, because then Fran will be free to find someone who isn’t a huge twat.”