Marathon runners hit actual wall

COMPETITORS in the London Marathon are running into an actual, physical wall and attempting to grittily push through it. 

Erroneous signage has directed thousands of runners directly into a 22ft-high brick-and-breezeblock wall of sturdy construction, which they have refused to let beat them.

Martin Bishop, a self-made businessman, said: “Heard about this wall. Weak people let it beat them. I won’t.

“Despite the head injury, the various blunt traumas, and my inability to even see through the wall – which I’m assuming is psychological – I’m keeping going. I’m finishing this if it kills me.”

Joanna Kramer, a PR professional, said: “My carbs are loaded, my pacing is dead-on, I’ve necking a glucose gel every half-hour. This wall will crumble when I run directly at it.

“Those heaps of people in front of it? Gave in to negative thinking. You can tell by their groans.”

Paramedic Sophie Rodriguez said: “Hundreds of entrepreneurs, City financiers, men desperate to evade their families, fitness bores and frantic overachievers are out of action for months. So all in all, result.”