Smell of cannabis makes me feel unsafe, says wuss

A TOTAL f**king wuss has confessed the odour of cannabis makes him feel terribly unsafe and as if police should arrest everyone within a 500ft radius who is not him. 

The leader of Britain’s policing college admitted he, and all the police he trains, find it hard to enjoy their jobs when at any time they could be assaulted by an illegal though harmless aroma.

Sir Andy Marsh said: “Urgh. What if I breathed some in? I might throw a whitey.

“If I smell cannabis on the street – I’ve been taught to identify it by trained dogs – then I just know the perpetrator is committing other crimes. Ordering pizza, listening to Jamiroquai, planning a Rick & Morty rewatch. All crimes, when done on cannabis.

“I shiver, I retreat into a doorway, I have to watch at least three or four street phone thefts for my heart to stop hammering and faith in ordinary British decency to be restored.

“And we’re powerless to do anything but arrest and charge them. Not even that if they’re white. I’m just saying it’s a microaggression against the law and I’m triggered.”

He added: “Nothing like the heady scent of a noonday Wetherspoons, habitués enjoying healthy lunchtime lagers. No crime whatsoever associated with that.”