Current Events

Study: Majority Of Billionaires Consider Selves  Middle...

ST. PAUL, MN—In a comprehensive new survey of how the wealthy view their socioec...

If I Take A Bullet For My Child, How Will They Learn To...

Like every parent, I want my kids to be safe. I know that for my young daughter ...

Hacked Elmo Account Posts Antisemitic Messages

Popular Muppet character Elmo’s verified X account was hijacked, resulting in th...

Yorgos Lanthimos Figures He 3 Films Away From Hanging W...

ATHENS, GREECE—Longing for the day they might cross the threshold from work frie...

Look: Overturned milk truck creates 'significant spill'...

A tractor-trailer hauling a load of milk overturned in New York's Columbia Coun...

Ball python on the loose in Massachusetts

Residents of a Massachusetts city are being asked to keep an eye out for a ball...

MAGA Voter Drills Hole Into Skull To Relieve Sudden Dou...

The post MAGA Voter Drills Hole Into Skull To Relieve Sudden Doubts About Trump ...

Look: Escaped sheep wrangled after social media plea in...

Police in Oregon said an escaped sheep was safely reunited with its owner after...

Watch: Wandering dog rescued from elevated train tracks...

A malnourished dog spotted wandering on the elevated train tracks in New York's...

White House Evacuated After Trans Alarm Goes Off

WASHINGTON—In a stunning security breach that reportedly left many top-ranking a...

‘I Used To Work Here,’ Says   Pete Buttigieg, Wandering...

TRAVERSE CITY, MI—Casually strolling from the shoulder of the road and into traf...

Mark Huang and Gerald Blevins

The happy couple tied the knot Saturday in a beautiful ceremony so opulent that ...

Concentration Scamp

The post Concentration Scamp appeared first on The Onion.

Grandma’s Hospice Has Shitty Wi-Fi

LAKELAND, FL—Frustrated by the care center’s lack of an adequate signal, Caleb M...

Group Of Teen Girls Convinces JD Vance To Kill Himself

WASHINGTON—Lighting up his phone night and day with their cruel taunts, a group ...

Trump Announces $175 Billion Rosie O’Donnell Defense Sy...

WASHINGTON—In a sudden escalation of his feud with the American-born, Ireland-ba...

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