Man marries to avoid being 40-year-old with ‘girlfriend’

A MAN has proposed marriage because he is 39 years old and has no intention of being a man of 40 who still refers to his ‘girlfriend’. 

Joe Turner and 36-year-old Carolyn Ryan have been dating for 12 years and happily cohabiting for nine, but are now spending thousands on a wedding to not sound silly. 

He said: “It’s fine to have a girlfriend at 25 or even 35. At 40? It’s off limits, like baseball caps and gym mirror selfies.

“We’d never felt the need for marriage – we’ve got a joint account and a mortgage, so the fun’s very much over without one – but say ‘girlfriend’ at 40 and people immediately assume life crisis, divorce and me leering at a girl two decades younger.  

“I did consider calling Carolyn my ‘ladyfriend’ or my ‘partner’ but one sounds perverse and the other sounds like I’ve launched a side hustle, so I’ve bought an £1,800 ring and we’re doing matrimony.” 

Carolyn said: “I thought it was coming. No man with a hairline that far gone can say ‘girlfriend’ without it sounding like a cry for help.

“It’s a shame, because I still look so youthful and girlish I could definitely carry it off.”