Middle-class rebel teens all definitely down for Kneecap at Glastonbury

KNEECAP’S performance at Glastonbury will be so middle-class it could be mistaken for a John Lewis sale, organisers have warned.

The controversial Irish rap act, one of whom was yesterday charged with terror offences, have been designated a must-see by A-level students with excellent teeth wearing £250 hoodies.

Grace Wood-Morris said: “Brat summer is so 2024. The only act to swing your Stanley cup to this year is Kneecap.

“I haven’t seen the film, nor have I heard the music because I’m actually very busy revising right now yeah?, but I have seen items about them on the BBC that made my mother purse her lips so it’s a serious must.

“They rap about the Troubles, which as a Derry Girls superfan I know all about, and wear balaclavas of the Irish flag which is actually banned and that’s wrong? Oh? It’s not banned? Yeah I dropped politics for media studies.

“We’re squadding up at the West Holts for a coruscating political performance that’s an act of defiance against the white colonialist establishment, and I’m filming it for TikTok? I think this might finally be what frees Palestine.

“Then we’ll go back to the RV Will’s dad’s hired. I can’t camp, I suffer from frizzy hair.”